


Undercurrent of Remorse

by DuchessKenobi



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:24:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7036024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuchessKenobi/pseuds/DuchessKenobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is the morning after Obi-wan's funeral so it fits with my previous stories. It's after Satine has spent all night telling Padme her story. When Anakin arrives to tell them that Hardeen is in prison. Satine can tell that the couple would like to be alone so she leaves and decides to stop one last time at Obi-wan's tomb before she heads back to Mandalore. She's feeling rather middle-aged and lonely but she meets another mourner there....</p>
<p>p.s. i have no idea what the Jedi equivalent of Tai Chi is i'm just picturing some sort of non-violent yoga-esk series of movements that Jedi might do as a part of meditation. *shrug*<br/>p.p.s. i very rarely write smut. this scene was just stuck in my head and it was going to fester there if i didn't purge it from my system.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"So you did find your way here." Satine had made her way back to Obi-wan's tomb for one last visit the morning after his funeral.

 

Clone Commander Cody who had been kneeling a moment before stood to attention at the sound of her voice.

 

"Please, at ease," She said the words half in jest but he followed the order automatically. She sighed and put a hand on his arm. "No, I just meant, you needn't jump to attention for me."

 

He looked down at her hand and then into her eyes and relaxed just a fraction. "Sorry, Sir," he winced. "Er, Ma'am, it's a reflex."

 

She could see the sorrow deep in his eyes. He truly was not the same man, the bounty hunter, who had captured her long ago. He was a young man grieving just like she was grieving. He matched her gaze with an intensity that almost made her look away but at the same time it was like a balm to her loneliness. He covered her hand with his and a spark of electricity travelled through her. She suddenly wondered what other emotions this clone was capable of.

 

"I think he'd be glad that his friends had someone to comfort each other," She breathed.

 

He looked unsure. "Am I, er, is this a comfort to you, Your Grace?"

 

She smiled genuinely. "Yes, Cody, you are."

 

He answered her with a small shy smile and a nod that endeared him to her even more. Then looking around and remembering where they were he took a step back away from her so they were no longer touching.

 

It surprised her how much of a loss that simple action made her feel and she almost reached out to him again. Instead she mastered herself and asked, "Where will you go from here?"

 

"Back to the front, this evening." He looked at her warily, knowing her feelings about the war. "But I have a few hours before my transport will be ready." He barrelled on. "I was thinking of, while I was here at the temple, taking advantage of one of the training studios and practising some of the Tai Chi movements that General Kenobi taught to our unit to stay calm and focused."

 

Satine smiled, "Your General taught me some of those same forms once, a long time ago. I'm afraid I was never very good at them." Then on a whim she added. "Would you like some company? Maybe you could help me remember what I've forgotten."

 

A blush rose in Cody's cheeks, possibly at the thought of physical exercise in the company of the duchess but he still bowed politely. "It would be an honor to have you join me."

 

After a little searching they found an empty private training studio with an attached changing room. There were robe-like tunics and loose fitting pants available in multiple sizes for guests to use and Satine chose a pair, telling Cody that she would meet him in the studio when she was properly attired. He blushed once again but said he would wait for her there when he was also dressed.

 

Once alone in the changing room Satine stripped off her outer garments and then evaluated her underthings. At closer to 40 than 30 standard revolutions of age, her foundation pieces mostly served the purpose of sucking in and pushing up what gravity had let slide, but they wouldn't be practical for the stretches and exercises she was about to attempt. So she slipped out of these things as well and donned the loose pants with elastic waist and kimono with it's accompanying belt with nothing at all underneath.

 

There was a blush in her own cheeks when she checked her reflection in the mirror before she entered the training room. She wasn't sure what she expected. The clone waiting for her in the training studio looked as nervous as she felt. He was dressed in similar attire but appeared uncomfortable about being out of his regular armored uniform.

 

He swallowed and walked to the center of the floor. "Shall we begin?"

 

She nodded and took her place about a meter away from him. Then they bowed to each other. As she rose from the bow she caught him just for a split second looking down the neck of her top. He quickly looked away with flaming cheeks and they took their positions for the first series of movements.

 

Far from being offended, Satine felt a keen excitement that her figure might still have that effect on the younger man. She glanced over at him now and then during the exercise under the guise of remembering which movement came next in the series, but surprisingly she remembered a lot of what Obi-wan had taught her.

 

She let her mind wander a bit, wondering exactly how much younger than herself Cody really was. She thought she had heard that the clones had their growth accelerated to be ready to ship off to battle more quickly. Did that mean that Cody could be younger than her own son? She would just have to not think about that!

 

They each made a quarter turn to the right for the next series, which meant that her back was to him. She wondered if this made things easier for him, not to have her watching him, or perhaps watching her like this unobserved might be more distracting for the young man. She smiled to herself.

 

Then she had to concentrate more on the exercises. This was the balance portion of the series that always gave her more trouble when she had done the movements with Obi-wan. She knew there was a sustained position coming up that she had never succeeded in keeping her balance for the entire length of time. Still she attempted it and just as Obi-wan used to do when she was about to find herself flat on the floor, Cody was right behind her with his hands on her waist to keep her from falling.

 

Without the benefit of the force to make him aware that she was in danger, he must have been watching her very closely. His strong hands held her in the sustained position for a bit longer than the form required and then guided her back down to standing on both her bare feet. This cut the distance between them considerably. Her behind brushed against an erection that hardened more at the brief touch. He groaned in the back of his throat and his hands twitched at her waist as if he was unsure if he should let go of her and run.

 

So she had been right about the signals he was sending her. And whether it was reliving the memories of her romance with Obi-wan, or how long she had resisted any other man's attention, hoping they would one day be together again. A hope that was now impossible. Maybe it was just the reminder that she was still an attractive woman at her age, worthy of being desired. Whatever it was, Satine knew in that moment that she wanted him as much as, it seemed, he wanted her. So, before he could flee, she placed her own hands over his and gently pressed them so his palms would lay flat, one against her stomach and one lower on her hip.

 

With this encouragement he pulled her toward him so that her back was flush against his chest. She rolled her hips gently to create friction against the warm pulsing that was now pressed tight against her. He groaned again but didn't seem to be sure what to do next so Satine guided his hands up toward her chest. The tunic wasn't much of a barrier and each of his hands soon cupped a warm round breast causing her to let out a moan.

 

Then she needed him elsewhere. Pulling a sleeve to drag one of his hands away from a breast, she guided that hand down, past the elastic waist band of her pants, and into a tangle of dampening curls. She led his fingers to her opening and practically shoved them up inside of her, shuddering with pleasure. Then she rocked her hips providing them both the desired friction.

 

"I never imagined there was anything so soft in the whole galaxy." He said gruffly. She froze but he didn't seem to notice the difference.

 

She was remembering Obi-wan saying something similar. "Satine," her Padawan protector had told her long ago. "You are aptly named."

 

There were tears in her eyes as she felt Cody jerk against her backside once, twice, and then and spill out down her leg. His knees almost gave way but she kept him standing.

 

She was suddenly terribly ashamed of herself. Here she was using him. Just like the Republic was using him to fight their Kriffing war.

 

His heart rate and breathing were still elevated when she turned to face him, "I'm so sorry, Cody. I had no right to..."

 

"What do you mean?" He gazed at her, eyes shining with afterglow. "I should be apologizing to you if anyone should. I should have taken you some place nice, respectable. You're a lady and I..."

 

"No, Cody. This should never have happened. I should have never let this happen."

 

He swallowed, looking hurt at her words.

 

"I'm sorry," Satine said again and started to pull away from him to go back to the changing room.

 

"Wait," he grabbed her arm trying to hold her back. "What can I do to make it right? Tell me what to do."

 

He was so used to obeying orders. It made her feel even worse.

 

She sighed and then turned again to look him in the eye. "Live through this war," she told him. "Then find some girl and settle down and don't look back." She gently dislodged his hold on her arm and started walking away again.

 

"Your Gra-, er Duchess. Satine." He called after her.

 

She stopped for just a moment at the sound of her name, realizing that she had never really asked him to call her by her first name. They'd just skipped right past the pleasantries. Without looking at him again she said softly. "Goodbye Commander. And good luck."

 


	2. unreqited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> k so this one is not Mature. just a fun little prequel snapshot of Cadet Cody and his brothers and how long he's really been thinking about the duchess.

"Oh look, CC-2224 is reading again. There's a surprise."

  
The cadet looked up and rolled his eyes. "It's Cody, and you're just jealous that you didn't pass your target practice early and get time off to do something else."

  
"Cody, right. He was the gun slinger in one of those _books_ you read," the cadet who they all called Splicer remembered.

  
"I can think of a lot better things to do with free time than read," the one the called Shag piped up. Because that was pretty much all he ever thought about even though the only females any of the clone cadets had ever seen outside of a holo were their Kaminoan nurses and teachers. Splicer had hacked his way into the holonet and given his brothers a glance into the wider galaxy. The squad might only be a few standard revolutions, but they had all reached puberty. It just hit Shag a little harder than the rest of them.

  
"So what is it this time?" Rex, the unelected though obvious leader of the bunch, swiped the holobook out of Cody's hands and looked at it. It didn't seem to be the regular battle histories or tactical manual that his brother was usually found perusing.

  
Splicer looked over Rex's shoulder. "Fairytales, looks like."

  
"They're not fairytales," Cody grumbled grabbing for the holobook.

  
Splicer got a hold of it first and held it out of his reach, "There's a wizard in it."

  
"He's kind of like a Jedi," Cody fought his way past his other brothers to get the book back. "He helps the knights to fight battles and monsters."

  
"And save the princess." Shag's eyebrows rose. "Bet the knight gets some of that after the battle."

  
"No!" Cody finally managed to grab the holobook and checked to see if his place was still marked. "It's called chivalry. The knight only admires the princess from afar. He pledges his life in her service but his love is unrequited."

  
The other cadets laughed and Cody blushed but Rex clapped him on the back. "It's probably like, what do you call it? A metaphor. Like we all pledge our service to the Republic but i doubt even Shag could..."

  
"The whole Republic?" Shag stared off into space. "I could sure try."

  
They all laughed again and Cody nodded his thanks to Rex.

  
"Where do you think they'll send us if the Jedi ever get around to calling us up?" Splicer asked. This was always what their conversations returned to. What were their squad and all of their thousands of brothers meant for?

  
It was a topic Cody could expound on. He had done the research. But the fact was there wasn't any war going on in the galaxy currently that would require the size and scope of the clone force that they were a part of here on Kamino. Cody put his holobook under his pillow retracted his bunk. "My credits are still on Mandalore."

  
Shag smirked and Splicer rolled his eyes.

  
"No, hear me out," said Cody. But they had all heard his theories before. "The Jedi and the Mandalorians have been at war either on the same side or against each other hundreds of times." Cody particularly liked the stories of Revan and Canderous, the Jedi and Mando warrior who had been enemies and then became friends and together saved the Republic. It made perfect sense to him as it was the Jedi who ordered the creation of the clone army and the man they were all modelled after came from Mandalore. Or at least that's what Cody thought. He had his brothers had seen their 'father' once when Jango Fett had made the rounds to see the progression of the troops. His armor was definitely Mandalorian. Cody had done research on armor and weapons also.

  
Shag grinned. "So this has nothing at all to do with the current leader of Mandalor?"

  
"What?" Cody asked dragging his mind away from long ago battles.

  
Splicer laughed, "Yeah, you weren't thinking of pledging your code of chivalry to the princess, er duchess of Mandalore?"

  
"No! Of course not." Cody dismissed the idea but he still blushed faintly. The recent Mandalorian Civil War did play into his theory. There had been Jedi sent to protect the duchess and if truth be told, the cadet would gladly pledge to protect the honor of the woman they had seen in the holonet story, even if she was a pacifist and she would probably hate him for being created and trained specifically to be a soldier.

  
Shag whistled. "That would be a damn shame to go unrequited."

  
Cody, without another thought, punched him in the mouth. "The duchess is a real lady not some Twi-lek trollop!"

  
Rex smiled, "So you would fight to defend her honor?"

  
"Maybe I would." Cody rubbed his knuckles where they had scraped against Shag's teeth. His brothers need not know that Mandalor's duchess had been the subject of his dreams on more than one night and that upon waking from those dreams he had required a trip to the refressher and a change of shorts. He blushed a little deeper but Rex saved him again.

  
"Well I heard that the Jedi can see the future. I think they'll have seen something a lot bigger than one planet's Civil War to warrant the creation of all of us. When they do call us up, I don't think it's going to be like anything in any of the history books." 


	3. while you were sleeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little closure for the clone and the duchess.

Maybe she should have expected it, but his presence outside the refressher door still startled her. She had taken a long shower and plenty of time to re-dress but then she supposed he would have had to go through the same routine. He was back in his armor with his helmet on so she couldn't see his expression. She waited for him to speak.

  
After a lengthy silence, Cody cleared his throat and then muffled by the helmet said, "I'd like to escort you back to your shuttle to make sure you get there safely."

  
Satine didn't want to order him not to. His words were reassuring that he was acting of his own volition.  She nodded and followed his lead down the hallway to a lift. She had already told him she was sorry but her thoughts were still in turmoil how could she express her regret for using him but she never got the chance to speak.

  
When the lift doors closed he pulled off the helmet and jumped right in to a prepared speech. "When I was back on Kamino before this war ever began. I - I used to imagine that I would go on a quest, like... well, like in the old storyholos. I was going to go and find Mandalore's mask and present it to you."

  
She smiled, "You know our legends?"

  
Cody nodded.. "I wouldn't have asked for anything in return, just the satisfaction that I had delivered to you what was rightfully yours." He looked away from her embarrassed.

  
So she hadn't forced him. He'd been imagining their meeting for some time. She was relieved and enchanted and her voice softened when she spoke, "If you know our legends then you know if you had been the one to find the mask then you would be the rightful ruler or Mandalore."

  
He shrugged. "I didn't want all that. Not unless," He looked her in the eyes again with a shy smile. "Not unless I could rule beside you."

  
Satine suddenly had a vision of those adoring eyes looking up at her from between her knees and then focusing back down with the intent of devouring her with his tongue. If he'd been a Jedi and could have read her mind at that moment his armor would have probably gotten a lot more uncomfortable. As it was, she realized, they were still in the temple and if any of the Jedi close by were paying attention they were likely to get an inner-eye full. Heat suffused her cheeks as she also realized she had no experience as to what his tongue was capable of.

  
Cody's breathing was quickening. With or without the force he must have been able to sense her arousal. His fist slammed at the lift controls to hold it in place before he reached out for her.

  
She beat him to the punch, grabbing the top of his chest plate and pulling him close to crush her mouth against his. His lips were open to her probing and they tasted each other for the first time. His helmet dropped from his hand and rolled away unnoticed. His arms circled her. And then she broke away for a breath. "I need to ask you to forgive me for earlier."

  
He started to say something but she stopped him. "No, listen. I want you to know that I wouldn't have gone off with just anyone, that you weren't conveniently there to satisfy my..."

  
He interrupted her. "Then I need to ask you to forgive me."

  
"For what?" She looked at him confused.

  
He smiled. "For not satisfying you."

  
Her heart skipped a beat. When it started again it was hammering fit to burst.

  
"Do you still want me to, Your Gr-"

  
"Satine." She corrected him. "Call me, Satine."

  
"Satine." He breathed her name against her hair. "Would you like for me to satisfy you?"

  
"Oh yes." She melted into his embrace but then straightened up again. "But not here."

  
Cody took a step back from her and looked around at the cramped lift. "Yeah." he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and smiled. "I can't exactly take you back to the barracks."

  
Satine giggled. She couldn't remember the last time she had giggled. "My shuttle. I came to Coruscant alone."

  
"I was escorting you there anyway." His eyes roamed over her while he stepped back toward her. "And I could do an extra security sweep, just to make sure everything's okay for your departure."

  
"I would feel so much safer knowing you had." She lifted her face for him to kiss her again and he did not disappoint.

  
Cody seemed to be having trouble keeping his hands off her, even when he reached down to retrieve his helmet from the floor. She had to remind him that they wouldn't be going anywhere as long as the lift was not moving and he restarted it with the press of a button and a grin.

  
When they exited the lift, he had the benefit of his helmet to cover his expression. Satine had to be much more guarded. She had to look down and cover her face with her hand when Master Shaak Ti walked over to inquire after her.

  
"Yes, the duchess has just been down to the grave again. I was just escorting her back to her shuttle." Cody spoke for her so she only had to nod.

  
"That's very good of you, Cody," the Jedi Master nodded. If she sensed anything from either of their minds of their intentions she did not give any sign. "You may or may not have heard that General Skywalker and Padawan Tano apprehended the suspect and that he is now in prison."

  
"I had heard that, thank you." Satine managed. But Cody had not heard. She had forgotten to tell him.

  
"That's wonderful news!" Cody's helmet expressed no emotion but his hand found Satine's and squeezed it.  Satine thought a blush might have crept up into her cheeks.

  
Master Shaak Ti's head tilted slightly to the side and a frown creased her noble brow. She had worked a long time among the clones on Kamino and could probably sense their emotions better than anyone. Then a smile of understanding seemed to spread over her face. "It is good for you to comfort each other in this time of sadness. I will not keep you."

  
What Cody took as permission from one of his Generals, Satine took as an insulting intrusion of privacy and she would have told the Jedi so if Cody had not dragged her forward by their still clenched hands.

  
"Cody," She said softly through her teeth, hoping to make him slow down and show a little more decorum. "Commander," she said a little louder.

  
He stopped and turned back to look at her. Then he took off his helmet with his free hand. He was beaming and Satine couldn't help but smile in response. Then he glanced to the right and left and seeing that there was no one close by pulled her into the shadow of a statue of one of the old Masters and kissed her deeply.

  
She indulged him for a few seconds and then pushed him away gently. "Please Cody, I do have a reputation to uphold." She smiled and touched his face. "We'll get there."

  
"I'm sorry," he gave her another quick, guilty kiss and then put his helmet back on.

  
This time instead of grabbing her hand he grabbed her upper arm and practically marched her the next few meters across the courtyard. Satine couldn't help but laugh. He stopped and tilted his helmeted head at her.

  
"Maybe something between rushing me off to bed me and marching me to my execution," she whispered.

  
"But I am rushing you off to bed you," he whispered back.

  
"Yes," she smiled. "But not everyone needs to know that." She took hold of his arm this time as if needing him for support and set a slower pace. Mostly she kept her eyes down occasionally acknowledging beings that they passed on the way to the shuttle bay.

  
They were both silent until they reached her shuttle and she pressed a button on the com on her wrist for the ramp to descend. "I told you we'd get here." She allowed him to escort her up the ramp. Then as the ramp was still rising back into place Cody took off his helmet and took her back into his arms.

  
"There you are, Mistress."

  
Cody had placed himself between Satine and the droid with blaster drawn before she could blink.

  
LEP-1K0 raised her arms and squealed.

  
Satine put her hand on Cody's blaster arm. "It's okay. She's mine. I forgot to tell you about her."

  
"Your sure?" the clone still tense took a moment longer before he lowered the blaster and put it away.

  
"Absolutely sure." Satine slipped around him to see to her bunny droid. "1K0 this is Cody. He's checking that we're safe for our return journey."

  
1K0 peered apprehensively around her mistress at the clone. "You are ready to go home, Mistress?"

  
"Soon." Satine patted the droid and stood smiling at Cody. "But right now I need for you to go to the cockpit and power yourself down."

  
"Power down? But, Mistress, what if you have need of me?"

  
"I'll be fine, 1K0. Now go please."

  
"Fine. I will go but I do not know about this blaster wielding clone."

  
"1K0!"

  
The bunny droid lingered at the door to the cockpit for a moment and then stated loudly. "I am powering down now."

  
Satine hit the panel to close the door behind her and laughed.

  
"Sorry." Cody rubbed the back of his neck again. "I get a little jumpy around clankers."

  
The duchess crossed the cabin and sat down on the acceleration couch regally. "Then I guess I shouldn't tell you that she was a gift from Count Dooku."

  
Cody tensed, staring distrustfully at the door to the cockpit.

  
Satine chuckled. "That was a long time ago before he ever had a reason to have a grudge against me and 1K0 has been a friend and has rescued me from danger more than once."

  
The clone looked at her disbelieving. Satine smiled at him and patted the couch next to her. He  came and sat but still sent glances over at the door between them and the droid.  

  
"Cody," Satine whispered placing a hand on his thigh. "Remember why we're here?"

  
He nodded, still distracted. So she stood between him and the door and began to remove her outermost layer of clothing. She took her time, watching his reactions. "You know this would go quicker if I had some help. I suppose I could just call 1K0 back. That is her primary function, helping me dress, helping me undress." She had looked away from him a moment while she was rambling but before she finished the sentence he was right next to her.

  
"That won't be necessary." Cody attempted to help her but his fingers fumbled with the fastenings. He grunted with frustration.

  
Satine chuckled. "Why don't you work on that armor and let me finish up with this?" She turned away from him and heard various pieces of armor clatter to the floor while she removed the last of her clothing. But then she just stood there with her back to him, suddenly embarrassed at what he might think of her. Her hips were wider than what they had once been, her stomach not quite as flat and smooth and time and gravity had taken their toll.

  
He broke the silence after a full minute. "Please let me see you, Satine."

  
Slowly she turned with her arms wrapped self-consciously around her stomach. She couldn't quite bring herself to look him in the eye until he spoke.

  
"My Lady..." he breathed the title like a prayer. And when she did look into his eyes she saw not disappointment or even the hunger she had observed in other men when she was younger but adoration. He reached out gently and took first one of her hands and then the other, pealing her arms away from her body to view her more completely.

  
She didn't fail to observe him as well, a specimen in prime condition, marred here and there by battle scars and obviously ready for action. Her gaze however returned to his face, and the warmth of his eyes as they seemed to worship every part of her.

  
"My Lady." He said again, the words even more intimate than when he had said her name.

  
Then she gasped as he pulled her toward him and the full skin to skin contact took her breath away. They kissed and grasped to pull one another even closer.

  
"I was jealous of him." Cody whispered so low Satine almost didn't catch the words.

  
"Him?" she asked.

  
"The General," he admitted, still holding her close. "I wished I could have been the one to rescue you when you were in distress."

  
Satine really didn't want to talk about Obi at the moment. "You're here to rescue me now." She initiated another kiss hoping to silence him. It seemed to work for a while. One of his hands slid down her back and squeezed her ass. His hips began to grind against hers but then he spoke again.

  
"Then one of the other troopers started the rumor that the two of you had been lovers, which of course is impossible because he's a Jedi and they don't..."

  
"Cody," she stopped him and decided to be totally honest. "The General and I were lovers once but it was a long time ago, before he was knighted."

  
"Before..." before Cody had been born or created or however it is clones come into being.

  
"And never since we went our separate ways. We both had our lives to live."

  
He kissed her again before she could say anymore, but then he asked, "You still miss him?"

  
"Of course I do. He was a good friend."

  
Cody nodded, "He was a good General."

  
"Cody," Satine smiled sincerely at him. "You know what I said before about not going off with just anyone."

  
He nodded.

  
"I meant it. I could never compare you to... What I mean to say is that I don't think you're just... You are unique, Cody, and not just unique among your brothers. You are unique among men."

  
She saw for just a second his face light up and then he pulled her into another kiss. Half stumbling over his discarded armor and him half carrying her, they made it to the acceleration couch where he slid full length inside of her. She rocked her hips against him moaning but it was when he whispered, "My Lady," again that really put her over the edge. A second later he gave one last thrust and filled her still throbbing womanhood.

  
His head dropped, exhausted onto her chest and she ran her fingers through his short, thick hair. "Thank you, Cody, for rescuing me."


	4. General Misconseptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so here is Obi-wan's chapter. This begins the morning after the epilogue(might help to read that first) from "the duchess diaries" and it's from Obi's point of view. that's a new one for me but i think i like how it turned out. hope you do too!

Obi-wan was rather disappointed when he woke to find the bed next to him empty. Satine was already up and dressed, sitting at the vanity doing her hair in some ridiculous up-do. He liked it so much better when she left it down and was thinking of undoing all her work and enticing her back to bed when he noticed her reflection smiling at him.

"Morning, Luv."

He sat up stretching, "Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"Of course not," she turned on her stool to face him, fastening the clip in her hair, and then crossed to sit on the edge of the bed. "But I do have to get back sometime." She leaned over to give him a kiss but he pulled her down into his arms.

"Not immediately though." He brushed her thoughts with his mind. She was dreading their eminent goodbye trying not to make it harder than it had to be. He let her go reluctantly.

She sat up again, patting her hair, and brushing a few non-existent wrinkles from her clothes. "You'll be heading back to Coruscant, then?" She was trying to hold it together. "You said something before about the halls of healing."

Obi-wan rose from the other side of the bed, began to locate his clothing, and dress. "Actually I don't think they could have nursed me back to health any better than you've done. I was thinking of going right back to join my troops."

"With no warning? They'll think they're seeing a ghost."

"I should hope it will be a welcome surprise." He smirked and pulled his tunic over his head.

"You don't think your little deception will have bothered them at all?" Her sudden change of tone surprised him. She was standing now with her arms crossed over her chest. "Especially so soon after Umbara."

"Umbara? Where did you hear about..."

"Did you know your Commander got leave to come to your funeral? He missed them actually laying you to rest but Cody did come to pay his _respects_." The name 'Cody' had a strange sound coming out of her mouth but the bite with which she said the word 'respect' revealed that she thought he deserved none of it. And then she closed her eyes and put a hand to her temple as if she had a sudden headache.

Afraid that she was in pain Obi-wan again attempted to brush her mind with his own but where she had been so welcoming to him earlier, he now met with a permacrete wall. He walked over to her and laid a concerned hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure my men will understand that the deception was a necessary part of the plan that the Council..."

"The Council!" She pulled away from him and for a moment a spike of anger broke through the shield her mind had built up. It was a spike of anger that he had the distinct impression was specifically directed at Master Shaak Ti.

Obi-wan was utterly baffled. He had no idea that Satine had ever met the Togruta Master nor why she would harbor such animosity toward the woman. He let her have a moment to collect herself while he finished dressing.

"I'm sorry, Obi," she finally said. "I didn't want for us to start arguing again."

Glad she was speaking to him, he approached her. "It seems to have become a bit of a habit."

She smiled sadly and cupped his stubbly cheeks in both her hands and then wrinkled her nose at the roughness.

He grinned and pulled her into a kiss, finishing by scraping his cheek against hers and enjoying the sound of her squeal.

She didn't pull out of his embrace this time, but she did look at him plaintively, "Seriously though, Obi. Take it easy on your men when you go back to them. They've been through so much."

"By 'them' do you specifically mean, Cody?" he ventured.

She looked wary and then winced again as if blocking him from her thoughts was causing her physical pain. Then she kissed him as if to stall or soften a blow. She must know that all this only made him more curious.

"Obi," she began slowly after the kiss, not quite looking him in the eye. "When people are grieving and I mean regular people, not Jedi." He understood she didn't mean any disrespect. She was probably put off by the reaction of his fellows at his funeral. "They will very often turn to someone else who shares their grief for comfort."

"Am I to understand that you comforted Commander Cody in his grief?"

"And that he was a comfort to me."

He was fairly sure that wasn't the whole of it but he merely nodded. She was still shielding him from the details. But she was a grown woman and they didn't really have any hold on one another. She was entirely free to comfort or be comforted by anyone she pleased, especially if he was dead at the time.

"It's just bound to come to him as a bit of a shock that you're back," she continued. "So, you might want to give him some warning."

Suddenly, Obi-wan found the whole matter hilarious and he burst out in laughter.   
"Oh, Obi-wan don't!" She swatted him on the shoulder but he just pulled her closer and kissed her again.

* * *

He had managed to convince her to come back to bed with him once more, which had nothing at all to do with being jealous of whatever time she had spent being comforted by his clone commander, because he wasn't. They separated on good terms with him promising that he wouldn't embarrass her or Cody and that if she ever had need of him he would come running. He also took her advice and sent a com ahead to the 212th before his arrival.

Overall, Obi-wan would have said his welcome back by the troops was positive. As soon as they had got wind of his being alive however some of the wildest rumors had spread through the ranks. He had to spend most of his briefing assuring a few of them that he hadn't in fact killed Hardeen and somehow used the bounty hunter's corpse as his disguise. Even without that rather grizzly addition, they still seemed to find his adventures to be remarkable.

He had more to learn from them about what they had been doing in his absence. It was during this more subdued recital that the General noticed his commander standing off to the side not taking part in the discussion.

Obi-wan had expected that Cody might tend to avoid him and perhaps be a bit embarrassed at their first meeting. He had not anticipated the anger that seemed to radiate from the clone, who kept his helmet on and arms folded over his chest for the entire briefing.

The commander didn't say a word until the meeting had broken up and all the other soldiers had left the room. When they were alone in the room he took off his helmet but kept looking down into it as if the answers he sought could be found in its depths.

"Does she know you're alive, Sir?" he asked, obviously trying to hold his temper.

"She?" Kenobi asked.

"You know who I mean. The duchess, did you let her know you're back?"

"Yes, she knows."

Cody seemed to relax just a fraction. "And she's alright?"

Obi-wan realized something then. "You're in love with her."

"Hardly matters now that you're back from the dead, does it?"

"You're angry at me for being alive?"

"No, Sir," the clone spat. "If your being alive makes her happy then that's all that matters."

The answer surprised the Jedi. "But you're still angry with me."

Cody finally looked up at him and Kenobi was almost sure that the clone's eyes were glossy with tears that he refused to shed. "This whole time I've been thinkin' that I should have been there. That I would have taken that sniper's blast. I would have died in your place so that her heart wouldn't have to be broken."

Obi-wan didn't know what to say.

"You didn't see her crying, Sir." Cody scrubbed away an errant tear. "And come to find out that it was your lies... I might just be a clone... I'll never deserve her. But you, Sir," He pointed at his general accusingly. "If you would treat her that way, you don't deserve her either."

Kenobi knew he should tell the soldier to stand down, that he was out of line for speaking that way to a superior officer but he couldn't form the words.

"Yes, I love her," the commander's voice softened. "and holding My Lady in my arms just once is something I will always cherish, but she loves you. If keeping you alive will make her happy that will be my mission till my dying day." Cody stood at attention, his jaw set firm, waiting, as always for orders.

Obi-wan was staggered. That was love. It wasn't sex and it wasn't the attachments that the Masters had always warned them about. Love was sacrifice and it was the reason, he was sure now, why Satine had never asked him to leave the order. She loved him enough to sacrifice her own happiness and let him do the work he needed to do.

"You're right." The General placed a hand on the other man's shoulder before he fled the room to his own quarters for some serious meditation. "I don't deserve her."


	5. Codine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> song lyrics by Donovan:
> 
> An' my belly is cravin', I got a shakin' in my head  
> I feel like I'm dyin' an' I wish I were dead  
> If I lived till tomorrow it's gonna be a long time  
> For I'll reel and I'll fall and rise on codine  
> An' it's real, an' it's real, one more time

She was the spice that he would always crave. So far Cody had managed to focus when focus was needed. He was still able to perform under the pressure of battle surrounded by the scream of blasterfire. It was when things got quiet that all he could think of was her. Whether it was in his own quarters, twirling the stem of the flower she had given him between his fingers, or like now sitting at a table by himself in the mess, picking at rations that lacked all taste after the sweetness of her lips, he couldn't get her out of his head.

He remembered her face, a mask of pleasure, when he looked up at her from between her knees.

"I pictured something like this," she had said, reaching down to touch the scar over his left eye. "Maybe it was being at the temple, I've started having visions."   
"You are the vision, My Lady," Cody had whispered back to her, lowering his head to kiss a birthmark on the inside of her right thigh....

The crash of a mess tray beside his table woke him from the daydream.

"Damn." The General knelt down to pick up his cup and silverware and food items that had scattered across the floor.

Cody blushed scarlet when he saw who it was but he still rose from his seat to help. "Here, let me..."

"No, I've got it," Kenobi force pulled everything back onto the tray in a jumble and then set the tray on the table across from Cody's seat. He took the chair not looking at the commander who still stood not knowing what to do. "Sit."

Cody obeyed.

The general leaned low over his tray. "Could you please try not to think so loudly?" His tone was an attempt at humor but there was a not quite disguised edge to the words that hinted at jealousy of what he had seen in the clone's mind or perhaps embarrassment for prying into those thoughts in the first place.

"Sorry, Sir," Cody frowned down at his tasteless vegetable mash, not sure whether to be angry at the intrusion into his memories. "I shouldn't have been thinkin' such things anyway."

"No, you're welcome to your own thoughts," Obi-wan cleared his throat and the commander glanced up to see a flush rising beneath the new growth of the General's beard. "It was my own fault for... Cody, I've been curious about something."

Cody became defensive. "We ah, thought you were dead, Sir!"

"No, no please it's not that," Kenobi waved away the confession. "It's... Master Shaak Ti. Was she..."

"She was at your funeral." Cody remembered. "And she... she told the Duchess and I that it was good that we could... er... comfort each other in our sadness."

"She... encouraged you then." The General stroked his beard and then mumbled. "While knowing I was still alive."

"I never thought about it like that, Sir."

"Hmmm... explains a few things." Obi-wan rose taking his tray and placing it right into the recycling bin without touching anything on it.

It explained nothing to Cody however. The clone was even more confused now than ever. At least the general didn't seem to be angry with him.

After that, Cody confined his imaginings to when he was certain he was alone and renewed his conviction to protect the general. The General, however, was making this difficult and Cody thought, possibly avoiding him.

Things came to a head when a holo message arrived at the Jedi Temple as a challenge to Obi-wan. The images showed the inhabitants of village on Raydonia being slaughtered by an enemy the general was sure he had defeated years before.

"Let me come with you as your guard," Cody insisted.

Kenobi was adamant, "No Commander, your place is here with the 212th. This is a personal matter. One I need to rectify on my own."

"But Sir. I made a promise that I would keep you alive." F _or her_ , he added to himself and perhaps the general knew that was what was implied.

Obi-wan put a hand on his shoulder. "At least I know she'll have someone to lean on if I don't make it back."

"Surely, that won't be necessary," Cody hurried to reply. "You've already beaten him once."

"Let's hope that's the case."


	6. the duchess dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i had an idea for another chapter with Cody but i had to figure out what Satine's state of mind was before that scene. so here is her naughty middle of the night fantasy.

The dream came to her again that night:

_Her 18 year old self, awoken abruptly in her academy bunk. The bounty hunter leering down at her and then quickly gagging her so that she couldn't scream. She was blindfolded and carried off somewhere. She tried to fight him off but kicking against armor only bruised her own shins._

_Jango Fett's voice burned harshly against her ear, "He said you had spirit. Too bad I'm not supposed to tame you myself. But he never said I couldn't..." He pulled the gag away from her mouth and kissed her roughly, only to replace the gag when he had finished and pull the blindfold off. Those evil eyes stared hungrily into hers. She knew she was completely at his mercy, only held back by whatever his employers had demanded of him. She clamped her eyes shut again wishing he'd left the blindfold in place._

_Usually at this point in the dream Obi-wan would come to her rescue. He had after all been the one who had untied her hands and led her away from the dark Keldabe warehouse where Fett had kept her all those years ago. But it wasn't Obi's voice she heard this time._

_The voice that made her eyes snap open was very similar to Fett's but softer, kinder. "It's alright, My Lady. I've got you." The face she saw was similar too, only this face was framed with a sharp military haircut and had a thin curving scar over the left eye._

_She reached up to trace that scar with her fingers and realized that her hands were not bound at all._

She woke up with his name on her lips, "Cody."

She tried and failed to get back to sleep after that. She thought of watching something on the holo but she didn't want to watch anything. As guilty as the idea made her feel in the light of her recent reunion with Obi-wan, tonight she only wanted to be reminded of what it felt like to be in the commander's arms. So she did something she had never done before. She picked up her data pad and searched for the smuttiest clone romance novel she could find. She had a feeling there would be a market for that sort of thing on the net somewhere. Surely there were individuals of nearly every species who fantasized about having one of the protectors of the Republic in their bed.

She wasn't sure whether the words of the story helped or increased the ache that heated her core. She just read hungrily and rubbed her own hand down her body imagining that it was Cody there to satisfy her...


	7. dream come true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if there was ever a perfect moment for him to decide to comm... right when she was in the mood.

The general was gone on his solo mission and Cody agonized over whether he should contact Satine and let her know. He'd been pacing for almost an hour now in his quarters, the holo projector sitting on the tiny table that was the only other piece of furniture in the room besides his bed. He hadn't spoken to her since that day on Coruscant, that one glorious day. Kenobi had said that she was fine, that she had taken the news well of his not being dead, but Cody couldn't help but wonder if she ever thought of him.

He had no reason to hope that he, an ordinary clone trooper would ever enter her mind. She loved the General and if he lived through this latest clash with the Sith she would surely welcome him back with open arms. No, Cody would always hang on dearly to his memories of her beautiful body pressed against his but his focus would be on making her happy the only other way he knew how.

She deserved to know what was going on with Obi-wan or would that only make her worry needlessly. He should comm her just to make sure she was okay. He had no idea what time it was in Sundari but if she was busy he could always leave a message. Then even if she didn't comm him back. He could at least know that he had tried. Okay. This was it. He sat down on the stool beside his table and punched in the code for Satine's personal communicator.

To his surprise she answered almost immediately not standing in her stately headdress and wardrobe but lying down, her hair tousled around her beautiful face, and kriffing stars what was she wearing?

"Cody?" She said breathlessly. "Hello."

The commander swallowed hard. "Did I wake you?"

"No, no. I was just... reading." He couldn't tell if she was blushing in the monochrome image but the way she was looking at him certainly brought the color to his cheeks and raised a tent in the crotch of his pants.

"Reading," he repeated and swallowed again, his mouth very dry. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. It must be very late."

She rolled way from him presumably to look at a Chrono on the other side of the bed. Force she was in bed! and when she rolled he could see the beautiful silhouette of her waist and hip... All she had on were a thin night shirt and panties.

He dropped a hand to try to rearrange his pants that were becoming tighter by the second when she rolled back over and smiled at him. "Just after 3 in the morning here but you didn't disturb me."

"I - I didn't?" Without really thinking about what he was doing he wrapped his hand around his hardening erection. Krif! he could see her nipples pressing against the fabric of her top.

"I was actually," Her eyes were intent on him now. "Thinking about you."

"About me?" He gave his dick a sweep up and down with his hand.

"Are you..." her smile was shy but there was desire thick in her voice. "Touching yourself?"

Force he wanted her! "Yes."

Her breathing quickened, breasts rising and falling in a quick unsteady rhythm. Almost in a whisper she breathed, "Show me."

Slightly embarrassed but determined to obey his Lady's every command he stood and then dropped the elastic waist sleep pants he had been wearing.

She hissed in an appreciative breath and then sat up on her knees. "I wish I could..." She held up her hand, rounding her long fingers into an 'O' shape and was rewarded with a twitch and a throaty grunt.

He took the member in hand again. "I wish I could put this inside you."

She rose slightly, her hips thrusting forward and back arching, with a low moan.

"Krif, you look amazing, My Lady!"

She smiled not speaking but bringing one hand up to tease a hard nipple through the fabric of her nightshirt and the other hand went down between her legs. "Mmm, Cody, I'm so wet!"

"I bet you are," he chuckled, hand sliding up and down his length. "You'd better get out of that underwear before they're soaked." He hadn't really expected her to agree to this but she grinned seductively at him and shimmied out of the panties, throwing them aside. Then she settled back propped up on one elbow with her legs open to give him a full view while she swirled two fingers around her opening, dipped them deep inside and then began massaging herself with slow circles.

"Krif!" he groaned again. The show she was giving him was better than any vid he'd ever seen on the net, mostly because he knew the smell of her, and her taste, and how it felt to be deep inside her and feel her clench tight around him. That thought was enough to put him over the edge. He closed his eyes only a moment imagining that it was her he was filling and not his own hand.

Then his eyes were on her holo image again. Her tempo had picked up considerably, spurred on by his groan of satisfaction, and her hips were bucking as she got closer.

"My Lady," he breathed wishing he could be there, touching her, brining her to greater heights. Finally she shuddered all over arching her back and she moaned, "Ben!"

It wasn't hard to guess who Ben was or why it was his name that rolled off her lips when she was at the pinnacle of ecstasy. He didn't even think she realized that was the name she had called out. When she had recovered somewhat and propped herself up to look at his holo image again, she smiled. "Thank you, Cody. You were here right on time to rescue me again."

"At your service, My Lady." He couldn't tell her that her Ben was even now flying toward danger once again. He was able to bring her some happiness tonight and he would be available any time she needed him again.


	8. father's day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krif the canon. Disney already killed it. here's the father's day chapter.

She didn't seem to be in a hurry to end the comm and neither was Cody. He would maintain the connection as long as the duchess would allow it. They had both cleaned up a bit after their activities and then he just waited, watching her holo image. She was relaxing again on the bed. Well maybe relaxing wasn't quite the word for it. She appeared agitated, as if uncertain what to do next.

"Cody?" she said finally after a long silence. "You didn't happen to notice anything different about me? You didn't say anything. I suppose I had you rather distracted." She smiled shyly.

He swallowed fearing that he had done something wrong. "Should I have noticed something?"

"No, I." She sat up. "I suppose it's not as obvious as I thought. But you..." There was that anxiousness. She wasn't sure whether she should tell him. And then she seemed to make a decision and she slid off the bed and stood before the holo projector. "You should know."

While he watched, Satine began to pull up the hem of her nightshirt. Cody's heart began to beat a little faster thinking that she was going to remove it completely. However, she stopped lifting the fabric just under her breasts and he saw what should have been completely obvious from the first. Her waist had thickened a bit, her breasts were fuller, and as she turned just slightly to the side so her image was in profile, she placed one hand below and one hand above the gently rounded swell of her abdomen.

"My Lady, you're..."

"I'm pregnant, Cody."

His mind raced. "I didn't think that was possible."

"Neither did I." She rubbed a hand over her belly but her eyes looked sad.

"I guess you must have seen the General after his return, he healed you with some kind of Jedi..."

"No, Cody." She sighed and then began pacing. "I've been over and over the dates in my head. This could have only happened," she stopped pacing and looked right at him through the holo. "while I was on Coruscant." She waited for the meaning of those words to sink in.

"It's ..." he was staggered and he actually dropped to his knees.

"It's yours." She certainly didn't sound happy about it. She climbed back onto the bed sitting cross legged. "If I had any idea, I would have taken some kind of precaution, or I never would have..."

Cody nearly choked and all he could manage was, "It's my baby." Then he was up on his feet pacing. "I'll get leave, I'll be there as soon as I can, anything you need, anything I can do for you...."

"No!" Satine exclaimed. "You can't! No one can know about this!"

At the tone of her voice he snapped to attention and he realized with a sudden ache that she hadn't wanted this child, that she may have never told him about it if he hadn't commed her.

She softened then. "I'm sorry, Cody. If things were different..."

Suddenly he was very defensive of his child. "You wouldn't end the... pregnancy?"

"No of course not." Satine hurried to assure him. She rubbed her belly again and smiled sadly. "No matter what, she will always be precious to me and I will try to do what's best for her."

"She?" Cody breathed with relief. "You know it's- it's a girl."

The duchess nodded, warming to the sweetness of his reaction to the knowledge of his daughter. "The med droid did a test..."

"What will... happen to her then?" He knew what he wanted to happen. He wanted to grab the first available transport and take Satine away somewhere beyond the Outer Rim where they could start over and be a family.

The duchess had obviously given this a lot more thought. "When she's born, she will have to be hidden away. She'll go to one of the clans and they'll be told that she's a war orphan. If I am able, when this war is over, I'll retrieve her and bring her back here to be my ward, as I did for Korkie. If not... the clans have always been very protective of our children, even those who are adopted from the outside. They'll take care of her. She'll be raised as a Mandolorian."

Cody sat he rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "You make it sound so easy, like you've done this before."

Her answer surprised him even more. "I have. Korkie is my son." She paused and he looked up into her sad eyes. "It broke my heart to send him away, not to be able to raise him with... with Obi..." Tears glistened in her eyes and on her cheeks even in her holo image.

"The General has no idea."

Satine wiped the tears away. "He would have done just as you wanted to do. He would have left everything behind for me and for his son. But even you must see how the Galaxy needs him more than I do."

She still loved him even now. Cody would never have her heart but she would give life to his daughter. He nodded and swallowed. "I won't tell a soul, Your Grace." He reverted to her more formal title. "But I would... " He wasn't sure how to ask. "The baby, I'm her father. If you are unable to raise her maybe I could... When the war is over I mean." He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I don't know anything about babies, especially baby girls, but I would learn, for her."

Tears spilled out of the duchess's eyes once again but she smiled. "I will let you know where I send her. She should know her father. I have always regretted that Obi couldn't..."

"Thank you, My Lady. It's the greatest gift anyone could ever give to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Korkie's birth and the reason she was supposed to be unable to have children are explained in the Duchess Diaries. She wasn't able to ask the med droid if the procedure to get her tubes tied actually worked because the droid's memory was wiped. Then it was a long time before she tested that theory.


	9. my favorite mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so today is my birthday so i thought i'd work on my guilty pleasure fic. enjoy.

He had a new reason to live, a new reason to fight. His loyalty to the Republic was undiminished but now he knew the reason the great institution must stand was to make it a better galaxy for his daughter. He dreamed of going to murder Dooku himself so his baby girl would never have to fear the oppression of the Sepies. He was performing his duty with greater efficiency than ever before and pushing his men to do the same.

It had never been out of the ordinary for the men of the 212th to see Commander Cody with a datapad or a holobook in his free time but his tastes in literature seemed to have changed. The article on parenting he'd been found in the possession of was explainable but he'd had to be a little more careful to hide holo on human pregnancy and fetal development.

He'd done the calculations just as Satine had so he knew exactly what stage she should be at and what she should be experiencing with every passing week. He fought the urge to send comms every time he read something interesting or to ask if she was getting the proper nutrition and exercise and rest.

He had done this three times. The first was just do see how she was feeling. Satine assured him that she was doing everything the med droid advised and things were progressing normally. The second time he commed he was worried about a type of insect bite he had read about that could cause complications and defects. Satine assured him that the insect in question was only found on a moon that was a dozen star systems away and sparsely populated by a race who couldn't breathe the air on Mandalore. He was not entirely reassured. And then he had commed once more purely to see the duchess and hear her voice. This time she didn't even answer. A recorded message informed him that she was tired and didn't want to be disturbed.

As time for the delivery grew closer his worry and agitation also increased. She had promised him that she would inform him of where she sent their child but Satine had never mentioned letting him know when her labor had begun or when his daughter was born. Every day he considered sending her a comm and then thought better of it. If she didn't want to be bothered he would leave her alone, but he couldn't. He had to see her. He had to know that the Duchess and their child were alright.

As it happened when he counted off the 38th week since his last visit, he was back on Coruscant. His men were glad of a bit of free time but for Cody time off the battlefield just meant more time for his mind to return to the eminent delivery. He hadn't been able to face the idea of asking General Kenobi for leave to go to Mandalore but Obi-wan was off on another mission while the 212th were enjoying their free time. Instead Cody went to General Skywalker.

He got right to the point. "General, Sir. I need your leave to take a transport off Coruscant for a day or two."

"I don't see why not. Your men don't need you here." Skywalker shrugged and then frowned as if he 'sensed' something. "Anything you need help with? Some of the officers have mentioned you being a little off your game lately."

"No, Sir. Just have a little personal business, offworld."

Skywalker raised an eyebrow. What personal business could a clone have other than the war but he didn't mention it. "I hope you get straitened out what ever it is that's bothering you and keep an ear open for when the next marching orders come down."

"Yes, Sir. I will, Sir."

Cody took a deep breath when he was out of the General's presence. Now nothing stood in his way.

He made the decision to take civilian transport and dress as a civilian and he wasn't going to warn Satine he was coming. That would only give her the chance to say she didn't want to see him. Waltzing up to the palace unannounced, though was more difficult then he thought.

"The Duchess is not seeing anyone just now." He was told.

Cody wasn't about to take no for an answer after he'd come so far. "She'll see me. I know she's been... ill." He guessed that would be the cover story. "Just tell her that C-" he'd been on brink of giving his rank and then thought better of it. "Tell her that Cody needs to see her." And then he softened and added, "Please. It's kind of important."

The guard walked off leaving him there but after a second Cody pushed through the door and followed the brisk pace. Two other guards came to either side of him and grabbed his arms trying to hold him back. "Please." He said again. "I need to..."

"What's going on?" A soft voice called from a shadowy recess further down the hall.

"Your Grace." The first guard bowed toward the partially hidden figure. "This man, Cody he calls himself, insists on seeing you."

The silence nearly killed him. Cody was sure she was going to send him away and then her lovely voice whispered. "I was just returning to my rooms. You may allow him to come and speak to me in a moment."

* * *

Satine walked or rather waddled as quickly as she could to her room and then began pacing. She had been expecting him to comm for days now and was unsure of what she would say to him. The medical droid had said her labor could begin anytime now but her daughter seemed perfectly content to stay put where she was. She had long ago given up on the hope that Cody's age advancement might shorten her confinement. The baby had developed at a normal rate and Satine had begun to search for ways that she might safely induce labor.

Now he was here and she still didn't know what to say to him. Perhaps he had thought she would have already delivered the baby and he just wanted to see his child. She hated to disappoint him with her condition still achingly obvious. She felt like she was big as a bantha and twice as ornery. She sent everyone away and waited for his arrival.

Soon he knocked and she told him to enter with her back to the door. She waited for the sound of the door swishing open and then closed again.

"My Lady." He whispered the same worshipful title he had spoken on their last meeting.

She was prepared for him to be repulsed by her or focused only on his progeny, but when she turned to face him, she saw the same reverence in his eyes that she had seen there when she stood before him in her shuttle nine months ago.

"Satine..." He crossed the room in three long strides, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her.

She placed her hands on his chest. She knew she should push him away. They should discuss what must be done rationally. Instead her hands slid up to his shoulders and she stood up on her tip toes, deepening the kiss.

It was awkward with her belly between them but he didn't seem to mind. "So beautiful," he whispered grinning as he broke the kiss and leaned back only far enough to look her over. His hands then went to her belly. "I did this." He stated with pride.

She couldn't help but laugh. "We did this," she corrected him.

"We," he repeated looking into her eyes. "I love that word." He practically purred and then he was kissing her again and trying to pull her closer.

It hurt her back a little to lean forward like that and then the baby gave a great kick. Cody looked her in the eyes again with another smile and this time without breaking eye contact he dropped down to where his face was level with her stomach. He kissed the bulge tenderly and then whispered, "Excuse us, ad'ika. I need to spend some time with your Momma."

It nearly brought tears to her eyes. They couldn't be. It was impossible and yet what was the harm, right now, tonight when she was already carrying his child.

He stood. "I need you, cyar'ika, My Lady."

Again she knew she should tell him no. She knew he would obey if she ordered him to stop but she felt her head betray her with the smallest of nods.

He looked around over her shoulder and saw the open door of her bedroom. Then he oh so carefully bent and lifted her in his strong arms. Her arms went around his neck and he carried her as if she weighed no more than a feather. Then he set her down at the foot of her bed and began to undress her slowly. His civilian clothes were much simpler than his battle armor and she was soon returning the favor.

"Mhi solus tome _,"_ _We are one when together_ , he whispered, worshiping each bit of her exposed skin with a kiss or a caress. 

'But this must be the last time,' she thought.

She was vaguely beginning to wonder if it was physically possible for them to come together, but Cody seemed to have already figured it out. Satine made a mental note to thank whoever it was who designed her bed, because when he had set her on the edge of it, spread her knees, and stepped between them, she was at exactly the right height . She laid back, resting on her elbows, and watched her lover's face.

He would have gladly taken his time to massage and arouse every part of her but she was already wet with want, swollen with the pregnancy, and her every nerve ending seemed to be on fire. "I need you, Cody." she echoed his words from a short time ago. 

He didn't disappoint, taking hold of her hips and sliding fully into her in one stroke.  She wrapped her legs around his waist and locked her ankles behind his back. 

She closed her eyes and threw her head back, saying breathily, "Probably a good thing I didn't know sex while pregnant could feel this good. I'd have never let you go back to your army."

Then he was driving in and out of her and he was saying something but she had lost the ability of coherent thought. "Yes, Cody, Yes!" she screamed a s he filled her and she came tight around him. But not just her walls tightened, her whole stomach contracted hard as a rock. It was the most pleasurable pain she had ever experienced. 

Her breath came in gasps for a few seconds and her ears seemed to start working again because she heard Cody's frantic voice asking, "Force! Are you alright? We didn't hurt her , did we?" 

"She's fine." Satine panted, reaching out to touch his face and trace his scar with her fingers. "That was amazing." Awkwardly she scooted up further onto the bed and made room for him to climb up behind and spoon around her back. He did so without having to be asked, wrapped an arm around her and placed his hand on her stomach. 

"You've made me the happiest man in the galaxy." He kissed her shoulder sending shivers down her spine.

Satine was quite happy herself. It had seemed that this pregnancy would never end. She had been considering trying various natural herbs to start labor but one method the med droid had suggested, she hadn't thought was an option.  She was wondering now if his semen was softening her cervix and if that one contraction might bring on more. 

He was talking again and she tried to focus on what he was saying. "Say it again. Say we'll fly away to the Outer Rim and leave everything behind."

"I'm sorry. What?" 

He chuckled, kissing her neck, and rubbing her belly. "I just asked and you said yes. We'll leave this place. We'll be a real family."

She couldn't easily turn over to look him in the eye. "When did I agree to this?"

"Just now, Cyar'ika. I said I wouldn't go back to the army. I asked you to come away with me and you said yes." 

"Cody." She breathed and then the breath stuck in her throat. Perhaps her chosen method of  bringing on labor had worked to o well. Her stomach was tightening again in a contraction. 

"Are you sure you're okay? Do I need to get the med droid?" he worried.

"No, no, I'm fine." She began to breathe normally as the tightness eased. "I've been having false contractions for weeks now. It's nothing." She squirmed trying to get in a more comfortable position and he let her before he snuggled close once again. 

"Cody." She began again. "I didn't know what I was agreeing to. I can't leave Mandalore and you can't leave the GAR, you know that. We both have responsibilities." 

"We could though, we could make a life together with our little girl." He sounded like a petulant child and Satine realized in that painful moment that for all his fully grown body and accelerated learning and development, he really was still very much a child himself. 

"No, Cody. That's not possible." She wanted to let him down easily but as she tried to think of something to say yet another contraction began to build in her lower back and wrap around her stomach. She gritted her teeth. She had to get him out of this room, off the planet. She knew if he held his child now, if he even saw her holding the baby, it would be nearly impossible to convince him. 

"Cody, you're a soldier. You have to go back to your men. You have to make sure that this Galaxy is safe for your daughter. Those are your orders." She didn't want to put it like that. She didn't want to order him to do anything. 

"Of course, you're right." He said quietly, but he held her tight, not wanting to let go of the dream. And then he asked, "Where are you going to send her? You promised you'd tell me."

Satine smiled, pulling him closer for what she knew had to be the last time. "Clan Fett. I thought she should go to her father's clan." 

She felt rather than saw him nod and then he asked, "Have you thought of what we might call her?" 

Satine didn't pause a moment. "Ka'ra after the stars."


	10. Dread the day when dreaming ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duchess is having dreams again, dreams she'd rather not wake up from...
> 
> this is the chapter where i tie back into my story the Ashla Spectrum. it will make more sense if you've read the chpts The Prince of Alderaan and Shades of Reason.
> 
> the dialogue at the end comes from the episode Shades of Reason and we all know what comes after that :(

_She lay exhausted but content, cuddled up with the sleeping toddler, golden brown curls fanned across the pillow. She had started out blond but now her hair was getting darker and would probably someday be as black as her father's._

  
_"Finally gave up, did she?" Cody asked in a whisper._

  
_"Mmhm." Satine kissed her daughter's cheek._

  
_"Shall I take her back to her own bed, then?" He was already gently lifting the tiny girl into his arms and Satine let her go reluctantly. She listened carefully to hear if there was any sign of the child reawakening but there was not a sound other than Cody's footsteps retreating down the hall and then returning to their room._

  
_He smiled down at her shaking his head. "You are the **Jatne'buir**."_

  
_Satine rolled her eyes. "How can she be a complete monster one moment and then a perfect angel the next?"_

  
_"She takes after her Momma," he replied, chuckling and climbed under the covers to join her, kissing her playfully. "What had our Ka'r'ika so upset?"_

  
_"She had a bad dream." Satine frowned. "She just kept saying, 'Momma, don't send me away!' I told her we loved her, and we'd be **tome darasuum**." Still it had taken the better part of an hour to calm her down. _

  
_" **Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde** ," he whispered against her neck, one hand sliding under her nightgown. "That's what we promised, wasn't it?"_

  
_"Yes, **Riduur** ," she sighed, arching toward his touch. _

  
_"Ready to make another **verd'ika**?" _

  
_She knew he had wanted this for sometime. He loved his daughter but he also desperately wanted to try for a son. "You think Ka'ra needs a **vod** to play with?" _

  
_"That and I've never gotten over the sight of you carrying my child in your belly." His hand caressed her stomach, then slid over her hip and down between her legs. "This time I want to share every moment of it with you."_

  
_She traced his scar with her fingers, enjoying very much what his fingers were doing under the covers, but now she noticed a few gray hairs at this temples. It wouldn't be long before his physical age caught up with hers and then surpassed her. "I suppose we're not getting any younger."_

  
_"All the more reason not to wait." But he didn't rush as they used to in the early days. He was a much more patient lover now that they had spent the last couple of years away from everything and everyone they had ever known. They were everything to each other on this unfamiliar world while trying to keep the Mandalorian traditions alive in their daughter..._

  
It was Ka'ra's cry that woke her. Not the precious 3 year-old from her dream but the baby only a few hours after her birth.

Satine had barely allowed herself to hold the infant and kiss her forehead before she had asked for the hypodermic that would keep her milk from coming and a bacta infused bath that would begin to heal her womb. Nothing could heal her heart, however, and that dream that had seemed so real when she dozed off in the tub had left her feeling like the worst sort of **dar'buir**.

  
Satine climbed out of the bath feeling almost physically normal. She would have a few pounds to loose from the pregnancy but the aches and pains from delivery and even the stretch marks were gone. All the outward signs of her indiscretion were easy to erase. The emptiness, she feared, would never go away. She already missed feeling the little rolls and kicks of the baby moving inside of her but also the deep connection she had felt with her unborn child.

  
As she dressed, Satine heard the baby whimpering again. She knew that the medical droid would keep her fed and clean and warm and dry. It didn't take the force to sense what the child really wanted was physical human contact. She wanted her mother.

  
Satine followed her instinct. She lifted the newborn from the makeshift cot and held her close. " **K'uur, k'uur, ad'ika. Udesii, Ad**."

  
Ka'ra calmed and nuzzled into her mother's shoulder.

  
"Oh, little one. If only I could hold you like this always." Satine kissed her head and then began to go about her business while trying to absorb a lifetime of cuddles. She scrawled a note on flimsy, the desperate words of a mother who didn't feel capable of raising her child, one who would leave her child on the steps of the palace with instructions for her to be sent to her father's clan. The tears that fell on the sheet were honest and if they smeared the words slightly all the better for the deception.

  
She had to compose herself before she put the comm through to the Clan Fett **Alor.** She could feel the contempt directed at the parent who wouldn't take responsibility for her child even though they had no idea who that might be, but they were perfectly willing to adopt the baby girl as their own. They said she wasn't the first, that there were illegitimate children popping up all over the galaxy with a claim to Clan Fett as the war dragged on because of their connection to Jango.

  
Satine felt like a fool for not realizing this. She wondered if she should have arranged for Ka'ra to go to Clan Kryze as she had for Korkie so many years before. What was done, was done, however. She had already told Cody where he could find his daughter after the war. She couldn't take it back now. Tomorrow Clan Fett would send a representative to collect her.

  
"A new momma and papa for you, my love, and perhaps brothers and sisters." She tried to explain through her tears. "They'll love you and teach you what you need to know. Don't think any worse of me, will you, **Ad'ika**? **Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum**!"

  
Satine noticed that she had missed another comm while she was negotiating with the clan. She activated the message and smiled when Korkie's holoimage materialized before her.

  
"Auntie Satine, I know you've been busy and I do hope you're feeling better. I just wanted to remind you that tomorrow night is our graduating class production. I, well we, would all like for you to come. Soniee and Lagos and Amis and I are all in it." His face fell slightly. "I understand if you can't but I will have them hold a ticket for you at the desk in case you can make it at the last minute." He smiled again. "If you can't make it, maybe we can have tea again sometime soon? It's been a while. Well, I'll see you tomorrow night, hopefully."

  
Satine smiled and played the message again, this time turning Ka'ra so she was facing the image also. "That's your **ori'vod**. I wish he could meet you." It was going to be cutting it close to meet with Clan Fett and then get ready for the theater. Both her children needed her.

  
Satine couldn't sleep that night. Every time she closed her eyes the dream would come again...

  
_"Don't send me away, Momma. Don't send me away!" her daughter would cry and Cody would come and lift the sleeping child from her arms._

  
She gave up trying and just held Ka'ra for as long as she could. Crying, singing, rocking, begging, "Please don't think the worst of your Momma. Remember that I loved you. I will always love you."

  
When the representatives came, Satine was exhausted but she was sure she had spent all her tears.

  
"Imagine giving up your own child," the man spat but the woman who Saitine felt sure would be a loving adoptive mother gave her a sad and knowing smile, "I think maybe she thought she had no other choice and that she was giving her daughter the best chance at a good life."

  
"The note..." Satine managed. "Said that someday her father might come to collect her."

  
The man harrumphed and mumbled something about clones not being true sons of Fett. But the woman touched Satine's arm. "We will raise Ka'ra as our own until either of her parents comes to bring her home."

  
" **Vor'e**."

  
And then it was done. Satine didn't think she would ever get over giving up her daughter but now her son needed her. She dressed for an evening out and hurried to the theater.

  
She went right backstage since she hadn't had the chance to tell Korkie she was coming and she wanted to wish her favorite Cadets good luck. She waved at Lagos and Amis who both excitedly waved back and then made her way to where Soniee was filming with her holocam and Korkie was trying to calm her.

  
"Can't you put that thing down?" Korkie teased the girl with a grin that made his mother wonder if he had feelings for her.

  
"No, I'll get too nervous and I want to make sure to have a recording so we can all remember."

  
He gently took the cam from her hands and gave it to his mother. "Here, Auntie Satine can record the whole thing and you'll be fine."

  
Satine smiled reassuringly and took over filming in time to catch her son confirming her suspicions and giving the girl a quick kiss.

  
"Isn't she beautiful, Auntie?" Korkie asked. "Isn't she going to steal the show?"

  
The Duchess laughed. "Just have fun Soniee. I didn't get to be a part of my graduation year production and I've always wished I could have."

  
"I'll try, Your Grace." Soniee tried to smile.

  
Satine grabbed a program and took her seat. She had remembered that they were performing the Bard but had forgotten which play. Her heart dropped into her stomach when she saw the title. It was all she could do to hold the cam still to capture the prologue portion of the story in which the Queen of Alderaan sent her daughter away to be raised on Onderon. She had to force herself to concentrate on the actors and their performances instead of the plot.

  
Her son was amazing and so were Soniee and the others. She cheered for the lovers' kiss and enjoyed knowing that the two were also a couple behind the scenes. She laughed at all of Amis's comic relief lines and gasped when Soniee dove to her tragic end and felt sure that it was the best rendition of The Prince Of Alderaan that she had ever seen.

  
Afterward at the reception, Satine made an effort to congratulate each of them and speak to their parents but her own son cornered her and wasted no time questioning her quietly. "Clan Fett came to the palace today. Was it to collect **ner vod**?"

  
She didn't know how he knew but she respected him enough to be honest. "Your sister."

  
"I suppose the play we chose was a little inconsiderate." He smiled apologetically.

  
"You all did a wonderful job. I suppose it would have reminded me of giving you up even if it hadn't been for...."

  
"Does my father know?" he asked.

  
"Korkie, she's not... She's your half sister. It was when I thought he was dead, a moment of weakness. I never even thought it was possible. No. I don't believe he knows." It was too painful to talk about so she turned the conversation around. "I should have been more careful. I do hope that you and Soniee are careful..."

  
"We haven't, Mom, not yet anyway." He blushed to the tips of his ears but she liked hearing him call her mom.

  
They both looked across the room to where Soniee was standing with her adopted mother and a couple of the leaders of Clan Ordo, those who had sponsored her to come to the Academy. The girl was showing her mother the jet pack she had used to perform her stunt in the play.

  
"But yeah, we'll take precautions if, when we..."

  
"Well, you needn't be in a hurry. She's a sweet girl." Satine saved him from having to continue. "I like her very much. I'm happy that the two of you have each other."

  
Korkie brightened and then frowned, "I just wish her mother felt the same."

  
Veeka Ordo was at that moment looking over at the two of them with a suspicious glare.

  
"I'll speak to her." Satine promised. "but not tonight. I'm sorry, Korkie, but I'm exhausted."

  
"Of course, Auntie Satine." He said a little louder for anyone who might be listening. "Thank you so much for coming. I'm glad you were feeling well enough after your illness."

  
She hugged him and didn't care who saw. "Thank you, my son," she whispered.

  
That night the dream changed....

  
_The child she comforted was an auburn-haired boy. He looked exactly as he had when she went to collect him from Clan Kryze when he was 5 years old._

  
_"Daddy isn't going to leave us, is he Momma? I don't want Daddy to leave."_

  
_And Obi was there. "Daddy's not going anywhere. I'm staying right here with you and your Mother."_

  
_Together they calmed their son, Satine holding and rocking the boy and Obi singing him a lullaby and stroking his hair. When he drifted off, they went together to carry him to his room and stayed watching him sleep. Obi stood behind her and wrapped her in his arms._

  
_"You don't regret it, do you, leaving the Order to stay with us?"_

  
_"Of course not. It was the Force that led me here and my place is with you and Korkie."_

  
_Satine sighed. "Oh, Ben. I'm so glad."_

  
_"The only question is..." his hand rested on her flat stomach. "When are we going to tell him that he's going to be a big brother?"_

  
_"You knew?" She asked, amazed. "I'd hardly begun to suspect myself."_

  
_"You think after all this time I don't know your body well enough to sense the difference?" He held her tighter and kissed her neck just below her ear. "I didn't know what it meant when you were carrying Korkie. When I left..." he still couldn't quite forgive himself for leaving her._

  
_She had forgiven him long ago and now she turned in his arms to face him and stroke his beard that was trimmed neatly in the angular Mandalorian style._

  
_"When we were apart I would reach out in the Force to try to sense that you were okay. At first I thought I had just broken your heart. You were a pinpoint of light in the darkness of my vision but you were divided. It took months before I realized that it wasn't your broken heart I was sensing but the addition of our son. After I had the vision of his birth, there was no question that I had to be with you both..."_

  
Satine woke up weeping. Night after night one dream or the other would wrap her in the embrace of the father of one of her children only for her to wake up alone.

  
Then one day, reality became even more cruel when one of her ministers marched into the throne room.

  
"Duchess, the shipping docks are under attack," said the minister.

  
"By whom? The Deathwatch?" She asked.

  
"No, it appears to be a crime syndicate. Our guards are helpless against their numbers. And the people are demanding we do something to stop them."

  
What could she do if her guards were unable to defend the city? Finally her responsibility to her people drove her personal concerns back into her subconscious. Still she couldn't help but be glad that Ka'ra was away from the city with her new clan. And Korkie....

  
"Lock down the Academy." She ordered. "We must insure the safety of the cadets."

  
With her children protected she could focus on the problem at hand. She addressed her people...

  
"I need you all to remain calm. These attackers are just thugs, brought on by the lowest element."

  
She was interrupted by another voice, "The duchess Satine has led us to ruin." Pre Viszla zoomed up to her with two of his solders in jet packs.

  
Satine held her ground, "Deathwatch! Guards stay back!" She waved them away and confronted her old enemy. "Viszla, you must be the one responsible for these attacks!"

  
He landed boldly in front of her. "No, I'm not responsible, but I can offer a solution." He took off his helmet and turned to address the crowd, "People of Mandalore, I am Pre Viszla of Clan Viszla. Deathwatch is here to save you from these intergalactic gangsters that threaten our great city! This is a war and we will win!"

  
The people cheered. Satine had lost them. She had never wished more that her dreams, either of them, could come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you may have noticed a Mando'a dictionary kind of threw up in that first section. idea is that if the duchess ever left she would want to take the culture with her and teach it to her kiddos. i'm not going to translate everything for you :P  
> you can find all the translations here: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Mando'a/Legends 
> 
> Kandosii!
> 
> Oh yeah, also. there's something that Obi says in the second dream that should be a clue to something that Soniee saw in one of her visions in the Ashla Spectrum. if you catch it comment ;) and just comment anyway because i love comments!!!


End file.
